Hear from Me…Jizarah Javeria

I thought of an easy way to help your kids with their spelling. My second grader has spelling words he is suppose to study each night. They include a “Challenge List” which are words that are a little more difficult. Each day when I packed the kids their lunches I throw in a little note. For my second grader I write a couple of sentences that include his spelling words but also makes sense. So for example his note this morning read:

Your first soccer game is this weekend at 3:00 pm. You won’t need your umbrella since it is not suppose to rain. Maybe we’ll see some butterflies at the soccer fields. Have a fun day.

Umbrella and butterflies are two words from his Challenge List.

I just thought this was a fun way to help your kids and thought I would pass it along.

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Are your kids like mine? They can’t get enough? At first I was a bit taken aback by all this Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana stuff. But, it dawned on me that I was there too. Ok, so I’m gonna age myself now….I was crazy over Duran Duran…I mean Nick Rhodes And then there was the Michael Jackson hype…man I think I watched Thriller one zillion times…more thatn my daughter has watched Camp Rock. LOL

So, I gotta just say to myself…”let them be kids, even if it drives me crazy.”

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Ok so have you seen or heard about the High School Musical underwear? It has been designed and approved by Disney. So, wouldn’t you think it should be fine. I mean look at all the good wholesome fun Disney promotes. Ok, so you to sense the sarcasm right? Apparently this highly sought after underwear has the phrase “Dive in” on it. So some are saying that it’s too provocative for such young kids to be wearing.

Hmmmm…and the sweats that say “cutie” or “I am pretty” across the butt are not? Don’t get me wrong, I agree. It’s kinda weird to have Dive in on your underwear, but who will see it? But the phrases kids wear on their clothes on the outside I think are much worst. Think about it.

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She’s at it again. Well, for those of you who were not certain the intentions of one Ms. Miley Cyrus after her previous risqué photo shoot, I think you can now safely guess she wants to break out of her Disney Persona. She has a new set of pics out with her posing in underwear and a skimpy polka dot bikini. I saw the pics and really, it’s nothing that we haven’t already seen in these young teens celebs. I really don’t see Miley different from any other young celeb. So for me… Hey, do what you want Miley…we all gotta make a buck some how.

And a reminder to all the moms who have posted their negative comments regarding Miley’s latest pics…you can’t really fault her for what she is doing. I know many feel she has a responsibilty to the young girls that look up to her and see her as their role model. Please, is that Miley’s fault or the parents? It’s simple. Call it like it is and make sure your kids know that too. She is a teen celeb, entertainer, actress…she is a person doing her job … what she gets paid to do. She’s not there to be a role model or to set standards for other 15 year olds. She is their to entertain…so let your kids enjoy her songs and dancing and all that jazz, but let them know too that she, like many other girls you will see outside the house, is not a role model. She is just pure entertainment (although I must add, I don’t see it…)

So moms, get off Miley’s back and let her do what she wants….even if they are bad choices.

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Today, I sat down with my youngest and grabbed one of the books off his shelf. That’s our usual routine when I want him to lay down for a nap. Anyways, I ended up grabbing Lady and the Tramp; you know that old classic? It was at the page that we first meet Mr. and Mrs. Dear that my 2 1/2 year old pointed to Mr. Dear and said “daddy” and then pointed to Mrs. Dear and said “mommy”. It made me think about this show I watched last night….see, at this young age, he already recognizes what he thinks to be a family unit since he lives with his daddy and his mommy.

30 Days: It’s this show hosted by the same guy who did that Super Size Me movie about McDonalds. The way the show works is they have someone put into a certain situation uncomfortable to them for 30 days. Past episodes have been a devout Christian living with a Muslim family or the host seeing if he can live on mimum wage for 30 days. So the episode I watched last night was about a mother who was adopted and is staying at home with her two own adopted boys. She goes to live in a house with two gay men who have adopted four boys. This mom, as you can guess, is against same sex couples adopting children.

The show was very interesting as it showed the mom’s struggle being in a very, very uncomfortable situation. She had many conversations with this male couple as well with other gay couples who have adopted. She was able to talk about the points that anyone against this situation would want to make to a gay couple adopting. She talked about homosexuallity being wrong, and unnatural, that if they adopt it will justify the life style and in fact, encourage it, and so on.

The show is always good about showing both sides so also showed this mom talk to an adoption agency. She actually visited a very run down foster home that made the point of how important it is to get these children to homes where they can be loved, that is, by any family.

It made me think about how these families, these gay couples that adopt actually have more love in the homes then mother and father homes. This mom also talked to a woman who wrote a book about how much growing up with ‘two dads’ messed up her life. Again, both sides…

At the end the mom still felt the same but at least had a better understanding for what actually goes on in a same sex couple’s house. I could totally relate with her sentiment. She would admit that these two men were very good to their boys. That they have created a very safe home with lots of love for their boys. But she made a pretty profound comment. She said that they still have this “icky factor” present in their home. And I think that was a great way to put it since these two men still turned in for the night in the same room in the same bed.

So it wasn’t all perfect. There was some odd conversations that they showed between the men and their sons. At one point one of the dads said to their six year old, SIX YEAR OLD, that you are going to have to decide if you want to tell your friends about your two dads or not. What?! Can you imagine what this kid must be thinking? I have a six year old and can’t imagine putting him in such a situation where he has to make this kind of a decision. Do I tell my friends or do I lie?

And on to other points….the kids in a same sex couple could decide to live the same life style or decide not to, as the same goes for kids in a heterosexual couple’s house. So I’m not convinced that just being in the house will encourage one tendency over the other. I can also objectively see how both environments can yield same results. Many kids make decisions so they can be as opposite of their mom or dad as possible and vis versa.

What I do know is that same sex relations is wrong. But, to deny someone their rights because of this choice they made, well, if we really want to call ourselves a “free state” then we must be fair to everyone, otherwise the US should decide once and for all if this is a secular or non-secular state. Oh and if its decided that laws will indeed be based on a religious faith, then let me know because if I will no longer be able to practice my Muslims beliefs I need to start packing my bags and figure out if I’ll be able to sale my house in this market quick enough…..

P.S. Thank goodness we will always be able to practice our own beliefs based on the first amendment of the United States Constitution….God bless America.

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I can’t believe it. Well, maybe I can believe it. The Internet is great and I know I personally spend a lot of time on it. Not as much as the average person though. I get most of my news from it and to see all these blogs and headlines about the Catsouras family and what they are going through. It just is sad and sick.

This family lost their daughter in a terrible car accident. Now they have the nightmare of knowing that the pictures of the accident are floating around the Internet. These photos I guess are pretty graphic showing the scenes of the accident with their daughter in them. They have had to take their other kids out of school and have banned them from the Internet for fear of them seeing these photos. The parents have received the photos from tons of emails they are getting.

It’s just so terrible to think that the photos got out in the first place. How dare someone on the CHP leak these photos out to the general public. It is an atrocity. I would think it would be fairly easy to track who it was and then prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.

No family should have to go through what this family is going through today. My heart goes out to them and I hope the company they have hired to get rid of the photos is able to accomplish this goal. I even read that the photos have been viewed by over 50 countries. I just can’t imagine. I hope Catsouras family, you are able to find peace very soon!

What a shame that we in this so-called civilized nation (yes, I know I just said 50 other countries have joined in, but this issue originated here in the good ole Us of A as well as we Americans like to think we are so much better than everyone else…I mean with all the ‘freedoms’ we have here unlike those backward Muslim countries)…act so uncivilized. It’s just plain embarrassing….

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You all know Al Green right? Well, he’s getting the lifetime achievement award at the 2008 BET Awards. I believe the BET channel started in the 80s since I remember it pretty well. I remember thinking that I wasn’t really suppose to watch anything on the channel since it wasn’t really for me. But I also remember being very curious though. I wondered how different must the shows be. I mean, is the Black culture just so different that they need their own channel. I know now…..I mean, come on, there’s a reason why there’s Univision, ZTV, and so on. I think we all like the idea of coming together to celebrate our diversities, as long as we know we can go back and be around our own brothers and sisters. And there’s nothing wrong with that. People feel most comfortable when they are around people like them, whether their skin is the same color, their religion is the same, their philosophy is the same…or all of the above.

It’s interesting to see what the mix is now. Take for instance my experience. I grew with most of my friends being non-Muslim and non-Pakistani. In fact, I never really saw any Muslims or Pakistanis till the weekend at a dinner party with my parents’ friends or at Sunday school. It wasn’t till college that I primarily hung out with the desi crowd. I have multiple theories on why that was. Maybe it was because I reached out to find someone else like me since I was in a new environment..a rather large intimidating one. It was during my four years of college that I studied more about Islam and got to become more comfortable in my own skin, so again, seeked out Muslims to hang with and learn from. Or maybe it was because I was just stoked that there were actually desi’s out there I could see and develop a friendship with on a more regular basis….

The friendships I have now continue to be with IndoPaks and Muslims. I of course have some friends that I have kept up with for years and years that are not Muslims. But for now, I’d say 90% of my closest friends are all Muslim. That is a great thing. It just makes life easier and I think that my kids will learn that too. I love the fact that they, unlike myself, will have close Muslims friends at their grade school ages and not have to wait all the way till they go to college. I love the fact that they have always had a Muslim name on the roster of kids in their class, not to mention a whole diverse list of names. It will make their life that much easier when there are other Muslims close by. They don’t even have to befriend them necessarily but just that they are there.

It is so important for our Muslim kids to be around other Muslims kids. It will help to build their confidence, to develop security and to understand their Muslim identity. It won’t make everything easy, but it will sure make it easier.

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I’ve not written for quite a while. Kids are out of school and on summer break, so that seems to have taken up most of my time. See, they don’t really know I have a blog. So, I don’t write in front of them. They’ve seen the page up and have asked but I’ve not really said “hey, this is mama’s blog”. So how come? you ask. Well, my oldest is old enough to understand the information and well, I guess I’m shielding her. I’m always shielding her.

I guess now that she is getting older, she’s 10, I feel like she gets things more, so my husband and I can’t really talk about anything in front of her. My sons, yeah, they’re young and don’t really follow our conversations. We just don’t see any reason why she should hear our discussions about work, about money, about what that person did or he did…what this auntie said or this uncle did. I want her to be naive to these adult topics…at least as long as I can. I don’t know how long I will do that. She’s gotten so observant and she’s gotten too smart for her own good. She gets things quicker than I probably do.

With all the crap on TV, online, on the radio…yeah, Talk Radio. I can’t even listen to talk radio; they have to talk about this guy who got caught with child porn…and then of course, they have to be more specfic by using sex, sexual, sexy…pretty much every form of the word to describe the story. Talk about grabbing the knob quick to turn the volume down or power off.

We were at her softball pizza party and I had some of the younger siblings sitting at my table. They were all giglling and pointing to the wall. One said to me that, hey look at this…there it was “SEX ” written there in white chalk… oh and guess what was just below it?…yup, the F word. Jeez, so I’m looking at this girl, same age has my son, 6 and my son, and this other kid…all looking up at me with innocent eyes. I just said, “kids don’t read all the trash on the wall, let’s get some pizza and see if there is some salad left. Anyone want salad?” Thank goodness for short attention spans and empty stomachs. I never did go up to the owner to tell him he needs to clean his walls. I forgot but hopefully someone else will.

I guess we can keep shielding as much as we can and then there is a point where you must just open the flood gates. Where you sit down and at least open the subject up. I shall do that very soon…this summer in fact. The last thing I want is for any information to get to my kids before I can explain it to them. Nowadays this all happens sooner than later. So…I best be prepared.

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Have you ever been curious as to how much a software engineer makes at Microsoft or Yahoo? Check out this new site that just launched, glassdoor.com. I love the name! You can also see approval ratings of top CEOs…funny how they are all very good, hmmmm?! You can post anonymously so it looks pretty legit.

The information looks interesting enough, but not sure why I would be spending much time here. Course, I’m at home now and have been away from corporate life for about six years. I don’t think I’ll go back either. Why would I? It’s so not worth it. Work opportunities are so different now. I think it is possible to have, well, not have it all, but have a lot.

With three kid it’s tough to decide on when do I get to build my career again? I think the answer is, there just won’t be a time. I mean, for me at least. I can see going back to work if I put my youngest in child care. Women do it all the time and they make it work. For me, well, I want to be at home when they are home and home when they leave for school. BUT, wow, it gets tougher. No, not raising them. It gets tougher staying home and not working. I really think that women who have worked before having kids have a tough time making that decision to NOT go back to work. I feel like I’ve started my career over multiple times. I was working, then had a baby, then quit, then went back to work, then had a baby, then quit….I know I’m not the only one. I see these women that are really active at school and learn that they used to work a lot before having kids. Course that may answer the question of why these women are so uptight…I mean it’s a craft project for a first grader not the engine for the next NASA shuttle….lighten up jeez…..I digress.

So now what? Well, now it’s time to be creative and create your own opportunities. At least that is what I’m doing now. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means I’ll have three kids bouncing off the walls every day all day. So, if I want to stay sane, I need to decide how this summer is going to be. I’ve already filled our online calendar with Things to Do since there is so much going on and available for the kids to do over the summer. But, I’ve already explained to the kids that I will also be working while they are home so they’ll have to be patient during the day while I get my work done. I’m going to be doing some freelance writing. Now don’t tell anyone, but I really don’t have any background in writing…no formal training or any classes or special degree. Somehow though, I’ve managed to convince some clients that I can write and wow, they’re actually willing to pay me. At least for this summer all the writing I’ll be doing is for attorneys. So nothing fabulous just kinda dry and straightforward. The best part is that I can do it at home. Sure it’ll be between giving baths, changing diapers, driving the kids places, reading aloud, making meals, doing housework, entertaining the kids…….but there is time in the day or at least I’ll have to find the time huh?

Today I heard another volunteer mom saying how she used to work at Deloitte and just recently she began to think about what she should do about going back. She continued saying that she sat and thought and thought … and decided back in January that she would see about consulting businesses on saving money on a smaller level (she was in the same line of work at Deloitte). She got a few clients and now all of a sudden things have picked up. Mind you, she does this all on her own and she has at least one kid, her first grader that is in m son’s class (not sure if she has any other kids).

I LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear these stories. Very smart, educated, driven women who are making a career for themselves while balancing being a mom. It’s wonderful and I think all moms can learn from this. We can have it all..yes Dr. Laura, it is possible to work and still be there for your kids…and there are many many many women that do this every day.

It won’t be easy I know. This isn’t the first time I’m doing this kind of work. BUT, it will be the first time I’m working with all three of of my kids at home. I’m up for the challenge. In fact, I am very UP for the challenge.

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